Dear Flapjack and Lil’ Goldfish:
I hope you are having a wonderful time at your grandparent’s house. I’m so happy that we finally live near enough to Mamie and Grandaddy that you guys can go and visit them. It’s very important to be able to spend time with your grandparents, for they have much to teach you. I wish that you were able to spend more time with Daddy’s parents, but they’re very far away. We used to live far away from Mamie and Grandaddy, too, and it was tough not having any grandparents around. Real tough. (For me, more than you, I think. You were too little to know better.)
Anyhoo, I’m sure y’all are having fun, eating too much sugar and making messes and getting to watch lots of movies and staying up waaayyy past your bedtime and generally ruling the roost with little opposition. Good for you.
But let me tell you a little bit about what I’ve been doing.
Yesterday, I tried to sleep in, but unfortunately, I woke up early out of habit. I made myself some coffee and a bowl of cereal. But guess what happened? No one else asked me for breakfast. Not only did no one ask me for breakfast, but they didn’t ask me for a second breakfast thirty minutes later. Or a third one thirty minutes after that. Would you believe that in just over 24 hours neither your father nor anyone else has asked me for breakfast, snacks, more snacks, square cheese, cereal, cinnamon toast, milk, more snacks, more milk, maybe some juice, another snack, a fruit roll-up, some chicken nuggets, more cereal BUT NOT WITH MILK THIS TIME I DIDN’T SAY MILK!!!!!!, another snack and some ketchup on the side, please, I SAID PLEASE!!!!
Can you believe it?
Yesterday afternoon, I went to the gym. I know y’all love to go to the gym, and even though you’re very well-behaved in the gym’s playroom, I know you have your limits, so we can’t always stay there long enough for me to get a good workout in. But yesterday I stayed at the gym for two hours. I even sat in the sauna a little while and relaxed. Because I could.
After the gym I did a little Christmas shopping. I got y’all some fun stuff — can’t wait for you to open your presents! When I came home I didn’t hide anything. All your gifts are strewn across the floor in plain sight. THEN I openly ate a piece of chocolate where anyone could see. It’s craziness!
Last night, Daddy and I got to spend some time together. We went to not one but TWO Christmas parties. We got to hang out with friends who we really like but never get to spend time with. We even spent some time together, just the two of us, talking about stuff. We stayed out waaayyy past our bedtime, but it was worth it.
This morning, I actually did sleep late. That was fabulous. Just fabulous. It was like getting to see some kind of phenomenon that only happens once every hundred years or getting to see the Northern Lights or something.
When I did finally get up, I did what I usually do first thing on a Sunday morning — I drank coffee while reading the Sunday paper in bed. But guess what? Nobody stole and crumpled the funnies before I got to read them. It was bizarre. But I did save your favorite part for you. The Toys ‘R Us circular is waiting for your return.
I have a bit of a cold and a stuffy nose. Normally I would just suffer, but I actually took some medicine. The medicine can make me a little sleepy. If you guys are around, I can’t afford to fall asleep during the day. Bad, bad stuff could happen if I did. But today I was actually able to do what I needed to do to feel better. It’s nice to be able to take care of myself first for a change.
I’m not sure exactly what else I’ll do today. I plan on kind of playing it by ear. You don’t know what “playing it by ear” means? Well, I guess I can understand that. I’ve not really played anything by ear in about 5 1/2 years, so I can understand how you’d be unfamiliar with the term. I’ll explain it to you in about 15 years, or whenever you’re both out of my house, whichever comes first.
Well, y’all be good today. Please behave, and please treat Mamie and Grandaddy with respect. They are very good people. They taught me everything I know about turning you two into very good people, and for that, we should all be thankful.
I can’t wait to see you and squeeze you and kiss you and smell you and tickle you!
Until then, I remain,
Your well-rested, relaxed, drugged-up, free-wheelin’ mommy
P.S. I bet you haven’t had a snack in the past 15 minutes or so. You probably need to go ask Mamie for something to eat.