So it’s the Saturday night before Valentine’s Day, and many people are enjoying a night out with the one they love. Not me. I’m sitting at home feeling sorry for myself.
My husband lost not one, but TWO managers who worked for him this week. He oversees a 24-hour-a-day operation, and he has to have managers covering all 24 of those hours. So guess who’s going to be picking up the slack? Him, of course. But the thing is, I don’t think he really minds. He’s always loved work. Too much so, in fact. There have been plenty of times in the past I’ve asked him to be home more, and if he obliged, I always felt he did so reluctantly. And yes, I take that personally. I’ll definitely be more understanding this time, but in my mind, I’m the one who’s going to be punished for this.
Essentially, I’m now a single mom. Nick won’t be awake when I get up and get the boys ready and we head out each morning. And he’ll still be at work when we go to sleep each night. He says he’ll take one day off each week, but I’ll believe it when I see it. Yep, I’ll be running the house and raising the kids on my own, but without the benefits of having one less person to clean up behind, one less person’s laundry to do. There’s no joint custody arrangement where I get a weekend to myself when the kids go stay with their dad.
I know I sound bitter, but I’m just angry right now. It’s still a bit raw, and this situation is going to take some getting used to. I’m angry that I’ll have no help with the kids. I’m angry because I know it will probably be a long time before Nick can find suitable new employees and train them properly. I’m angry because he and I will be like the proverbial two ships passing in the night, and our marriage doesn’t need that right now (really, whose does?). I’m angry because I know the boys will miss him terribly. I’m angry that I’m going to have to cancel plans here and there because he normally watches the kids for me, and I can’t afford a babysitter. And I’m angry because I just feel helpless.
I know, I know, I sound like a brat. I know I’ll adapt. I’ll get through this. Lots of people have it way worse. No need to lecture me — I get it. I just needed to vent. Thanks for letting me do so.
And yes, I know I just wrote a blog post about how rotten my life is (see my last post). I clicked the link already! How awesome is it that after you donate, the confirmation screen has a picture of a bee on it that’s very similar to mine?